Motivate - Grit

"Grit" is the ability to challenge ones self to push through something hard in order to succeed. It is putting in effort to accomplish something, even if you feel like you are not inherently good or talented at the subject matter. 

The way we praise our children really effects the way that they see their abilities. If we only praise their skill and talent, they will rely on that. If we praise their ability to learn, work, and improve, they will learn that they are capable of doing hard things. I think that praising children for their talent instead of their efforts makes them think that they no longer have to work hard because they have already developed their talent. When we praise their ability to learn, their work ethic, or their efforts they are putting into a certain subject or talent, they will be more likely to continue working hard and to continue developing their skills. 

Praising effort can really help develop grit. When they get to college and beyond, there are going to be a million things that they fail at everyday. But if our children believe in their ability to keep going and to keep learning, they will be more likely to succeed. If children are only praised for their talent or skill, they will be unable to continue when their talent fails them. If they are praised for their efforts, they will know they are able to keep trying when their talent fails them. Effort will rarely fail you. 

Here are some links that may help you! 

https://www.amazon.com/Grit-Passion-Perseverance-Angela-Duckworth/dp/1501111108

https://highered-nbclearn-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/portal/site/HigherEd/browse?cuecard=113407

Nurture- Emotion Coaching

Emotion coaching is helping children understand what emotions they are feelings, what they mean, why they feel them, and then how to handle them. A big part of emotion coaching is teaching kids how to react appropriately to their emotions. 

Talking to children about their emotions and listening to them can make them feel loved and respected. Teaching your children how to appropriately act upon their emotions will also help them respect you and others. If they don't know how to handle or express the feeling of anger, they may be disrespectful and hurtful to others. But if they understand that they are angry, and that is okay, they may be able to calm themselves down and react in a healthy way. 

Studies have shown that the number one thing youth wish their parents did was spend more time talking to them. Sharing our feelings and how we react to them, and listening to their feelings can help children so much. I think that talking to someone about how you feel or what you are going through really helps you identify your emotions. It also creates a sense of belonging, which is so important for teenagers to feel. Emotion coaching can be used in a lot of everyday conversations with children. 

Emotion coaching is not just a one time lesson, it is an everyday conversation. 

I recommend watching these videos: 

Guide - Effective Punishment

Today we are going to talk about something every parent struggles with: punishment. There are three main points to effective punishment with your children of any age. 

1. Never Use Physical Punishment 

2. Don't Be Verbally Abusive

 

3. Control Your Anger 

I am going to go into a little bit of detail about each of these points, and then we will talk about the correct way to use punishment. 

Never Use Physical Punishment 

Physical punishment can have terrible side effects on your children, and it is no more effective than physical punishment. In some situations, it is less effective. One of the main side effects that comes from physical punishment is excessive aggression. Because parents have taught their children that pain and anger can get you want you want. They have taught their children that they can bully people into listening to them. These children are more likely to fight with other children, bully others, and use aggression to solve their problems. You should never use any form of physical punishment, including spanking, hitting, slapping, or any other form. 

Don't Be Verbally Abusive 

Name calling, shouting, insulting, sarcasm, humiliation, and accusation. These things can actually have more psychological damage than physical punishment. These children have very low self esteem and are prone to clinical depression. Your child is more likely to listen to you and obey you if they like and respect you. If you are the cause for them feeling bad about themselves, they are only going to rebel more. If you treat you children with love, even when you are punishing them, they will listen to you. 

Control Your Anger 

The biggest thing to remember here is to never discipline your child when you are angry. It is appropriate and right to be anger when your child misbehaves, but it not appropriate to act on anger towards your children. Steinberg says in his book The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, 

"When you feel yourself getting angry with your child over

something he's done, take a deep breath, count to three, and tell

your child in a firm but measured tone that you are furious. Then

wait until you've calmed down to actually do something about the

situation. Explain why you are punishing your child, and then

punish him." 

There are five elements that go into effectively punishing your child. 

1. An Identification of the specific act that was wrong. 

2. A statement describing the impact of the misbehavior. 

3. A suggestion for one or more alternatives to the undesirable behavior. 

4. A clear statement of what the punishment is going to be. 

5. A statement of your expectation that your child will do better next time. 

Here are some resources that may help you! 

https://content.byui.edu/file/4de04ca1-9da9-4b75-bfd2-1a87b913a12a/1/Parenting_2.pdf