Today we are going to talk about something every parent struggles with: punishment. There are three main points to effective punishment with your children of any age.
1. Never Use Physical Punishment
2. Don't Be Verbally Abusive
3. Control Your Anger
I am going to go into a little bit of detail about each of these points, and then we will talk about the correct way to use punishment.
Never Use Physical Punishment
Physical punishment can have terrible side effects on your children, and it is no more effective than physical punishment. In some situations, it is less effective. One of the main side effects that comes from physical punishment is excessive aggression. Because parents have taught their children that pain and anger can get you want you want. They have taught their children that they can bully people into listening to them. These children are more likely to fight with other children, bully others, and use aggression to solve their problems. You should never use any form of physical punishment, including spanking, hitting, slapping, or any other form.
Don't Be Verbally Abusive
Name calling, shouting, insulting, sarcasm, humiliation, and accusation. These things can actually have more psychological damage than physical punishment. These children have very low self esteem and are prone to clinical depression. Your child is more likely to listen to you and obey you if they like and respect you. If you are the cause for them feeling bad about themselves, they are only going to rebel more. If you treat you children with love, even when you are punishing them, they will listen to you.
Control Your Anger
The biggest thing to remember here is to never discipline your child when you are angry. It is appropriate and right to be anger when your child misbehaves, but it not appropriate to act on anger towards your children. Steinberg says in his book The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting,
"When you feel yourself getting angry with your child over
something he's done, take a deep breath, count to three, and tell
your child in a firm but measured tone that you are furious. Then
wait until you've calmed down to actually do something about the
situation. Explain why you are punishing your child, and then
punish him."
There are five elements that go into effectively punishing your child.
1. An Identification of the specific act that was wrong.
2. A statement describing the impact of the misbehavior.
3. A suggestion for one or more alternatives to the undesirable behavior.
4. A clear statement of what the punishment is going to be.
5. A statement of your expectation that your child will do better next time.
Here are some resources that may help you!
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